• Where did you first learn of the family bed?
• Have you always been comfortable with the idea of the family bed?
• How does your partner feel about the family bed?
• How have you worked out any difference in opinion between you and your partner?
• What do you say to family and friends who question your judgement in having the family bed?
• Do you feel the family bed has contributed to sibling bonding?
• Has the family bed has benefitted your family?  How?
• How is your bed set up?  (i.e. on the floor, with a bed rail, etc.)
• How long will you continue to use the family bed?
• At what age did your child leave the family bed?
• Did the child go asleep alone or with a sibling?
• Was the move out of the family bed the child's or parent's decision?
• If it was the child's decision, how did this come about?
• If it was the parent's decision, how did you achieve this and did you experience difficulties?
• Does the family bed interfere with the intimate relationship between you and your partner?   If not, how do you maintain intimacy? If so, how do you and your partner deal with this?
• Does the whole family go to bed at the same time?  If not, what arrangement works for you?
• What is your favorite thing about the family bed?

Answers:

• Where did you first learn of the family bed?

   

  • Child care books ~Donya
  • I learned about FB in college in child development classes. ~Laura
  • I don't remember! I just remember having Joshua in bed with us because it was more convenient.  ~Jennifer
  • A friend mentioned Tine Thevenin's book when Alex was about a year and a half old. I didn't realize this had a name! :)  ~Sue
  • By accident.  ~Maria
  • From reading some book I got from La Leche League. Maybe even The LLL book. ~Linda
  • My nephew slept with my sister. I learned of it "formally" by watching Desmond Morris' "The Human Animal" on TLC while I was pregnant with my son. ~Terri
  • I picked up a copy of Tine Thenevin's book "the family bed."  ~Diana
  • I'd read references to it in all my pregnancy books but only in negative terms. Of course this made me more curious! Then, it was an interesting comment on the sah-ap mailing list that convinced me that even if she liked the crib, it was important that we make an effort to have her sleep with us anyway, because it is healthier for her in the long run. And, you know, what I found so important is that human touch. 
    ~Anne
  • I didn't officially learn about the family bed until my daughter had already been sleeping with me for 3 months. I think that was around the time I discovered Dr. Sears and The Baby Book.  ~Melissa
  • A friend of mine told me about having your baby in bed with you, then we read more about it in Sears' "The Baby Book."  ~Lisa
  • From LLL. I attended meetings in the last trimester of my pregnancy and *everyone* was doing fb.  ~Kathy
  • From reading "The Baby Book" by Dr. William Sears. I was pregnant with my first child at the time and thought it was a fantastic idea! ~anon-1
  • In college anthropology I learned that in many, perhaps even in most cultures, babies simply sleep with their mothers. The question of "where will the baby sleep" is simply one that is not ever asked in most of the world. the baby will sleep with it's mother. Hearing this felt very right to the core of my being, and I knew from that point on that my babies and children would sleep with me until they developed a different preference. ~Katherine
  • I was family bedded for a VERY long time as a child, but the first time I heard of The Family Bed as a *concept* was when I was reading up on parenting styles while I was pregnant. I found an article by Dr. Sears on "What is Attachment Parenting" that someone posted on misc.kids.parenting and it really resonated with me. ~Jennifer
  • Tine Thevenin's _The Family Bed_ ~Suzanne
  • when i was pregnant. i was reading "the baby book" and the other more mainstream stuff, and it came up. ~Rachel
  • From a coworker. I was childless and thought she was (1) crazy and (2) a bit immature to not be able to bear her children sleeping on their own. Ah, how hard the scornful fall! ~Shannon
  • I didn't hear the term 'family bed' until my 8th month of pregnancy in Dr Sears' Baby Book. But I knew a family about 10 years before with a room that was wall to wall mattress where the whole family flopped down at night like a heap of kittens. I was so charmed by this that from then on I always knew I would sleep with my kids (just one kid right now) until they wanted their own beds. ~Therese
  • We kind of fell into ourselves. We had our first daughter in our bedroom when she was born. She was in the crib and my husband would bring her to me when she awakened and he (in theory) would return her when she went back to sleep. In practice she spent most of the night with us. With my second child, we still had a one bedroom apt. so she slept more with us than in the crib. LLL came to our town when she was five months old. Since then(12 years ago) We've had each successive child in our bed from the beginning. We got rid of the crib after number three. At the moiment, my seven month old and 2 1/2 almost three year old sleep with us in our bed. Our five year old joins us on the floor periodically. The older three are in their own beds. ~anon-2
  • I started sleeping with Rachel when she was three days old. I had never heard of the family bed at that point but it was the only way to get any sleep! I later read about co-sleeping on the web and in several parenting books. ~Kathy
  • I first learned about it from a friend of mine who family bedded with her kids. I was really captivated by how tuned in she was to her kids' needs (especially the baby!) That was something that I wanted to model when I became a mother. I later had the idea reinforced by Sears' books and then by my friends on SAH-AP. ~Elisa
  • When I was a kid (maybe 10?) someone was watching Oprah and the author of "The Family Bed" was discussing it with some psychologist who was TOTALLY against it. As a kid, I thought it sounded like a good idea, but it seemed the psychologist was pretty serious about the "dangers" of this. :) At least, he talked the loudest and overpowered the woman. This having faded from my mind, as a teacher I was shocked and freaked out that some of my "parents" were cosleeping with their 3&4 year olds! Gasp! Horrors. Then I got pregnant and read Our Babies, Ourselves, and realized how I wanted to parent... including having a family bed. Or more importantly, not isolating my baby from the family forcefully. ~Vaiva
  • I didn't realize it was an official term until #1 was an older toddler and I started reading "Compleat Mother" -- I started sleeping with him when he was about a week old, mostly out of desperation and laziness. ;) It was the only way we could both get any sleep at night. ~Sue
  • I slept off and on in my Mother's bed (although not when I was an infant, I'm sure), and later on had a friend who slept with her infant from the beginning. ~Michel
  • May have read of it in the LLL handbook, but the idea didn't really sink in at the time. ~Anne B
  • On Sah-ap when M was 18 months old. ~Wendy

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• Have you always been comfortable with the idea of the family bed?

   

  • Not completely...at first I was concerned about how it could cause problems in getting the child into his/her own bed. I was also concerned about safety at first too. ~Donya
  • I was comfortable with the idea, and I planned on doing it. I used to think that if the child was 11 or 12 that was "too old" for FB, but I don't think that anymore. ~Laura
  • Yes. ~Jennifer
  • It always felt like the right thing for me to do, but my mom lobbied against it from the beginning -- "what are people going to think? that's perverted!", which made me feel guilty about it. By the time I had my second and third kids it was easier to just blow her off, though.  ~Sue
  • Actually I never even considered it until my child rejected the crib and I was recovering from a c-section. Now I am super comfortable! I love it!  ~Maria
  • At first I didn't think I'd be able to sleep with someone else in the bed, but I found myself falling asleep while nursing him. I found it much easier to roll away from him when he fell asleep than to try to put him in the crib. ~Linda
  • At first it seemed a little odd, but upon further reflection it made perfect sense to me! I remember how scared I felt sleeping alone as a child. ~Constance
  • No. At least, not until I saw "The Human Animal" and began to understand the benefits of co-sleeping. ~Terri
  • With my older son (sixteen now) I didn't feel comfortable, because I didn't think I was supposed to let him sleep with me. I was a single parent as well, and sometimes I had another person sleeping with me. However, the times that we did sleep together, I always enjoyed. ~Diana
  • I was really indifferent about it in the beginning - not really knowing if it was for us or not.  ~Anne
  • At first, I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing. The first time I tried to put my daughter in her crib, she cried and cried and I couldn't bear it so I brought her to bed with me. It felt very right, but at the time I was uneducated about AP and basically going against all the advice I was being bombarded with. I also was using the What To Expect books as references so I was filled with doubts and worries about the possible damage I was doing to my daughter by sleeping with her.   ~Melissa
  • We started talking about it before our daughter was born. Of course, we had already bought a crib. We had sucked ourselves into the idea of a nursery. As soon as Aislinn was born we knew she wasn't going to be sleeping in the crib and certainly not in another room. The first night she was home she was in bed with us and I stayed awake all night convinced that something would happen to this amazing precious baby. By the next night I was more comfortable with it and would NEVER do anything else. ~Lisa
  • No way! When I first heard about fb (at the end of my pregnancy) I told my husband "we're not going to do that."  ~Kathy
  • No, as a teenager I thought it was "sick" and unwise, and that kids who slept with their parents would become warped somehow. ~anon-1
  • Yes ~Katherine
  • Yes, especially since my parents shared sleep with me until I outgrew the need. ~Jennifer
  • Yes ~Suzanne
  • not at first. ever since my oldest was a couple days old i was, though. ~Rachel
  • As soon as Heather was born, I knew she wasn't sleeping anywhere else. Since we had a waterbed, I spent a few sleepless nights on the couch until we got a new bed. ~Shannon
  • Yes. Absolutely. I've always been _uncomfortable_ with the idea of putting a little newborn all alone in a separate room. Damned cruel and unnatural if ya ask me. ~Therese
  • Yes, it just seemed the easiest thing to do. ~anon-2
  • Initially I was not comfortable. I felt like I was just being lazy and that it probably wasn't good for Rachel. Also, I was worried about rolling over on her when she was really tiny. Mostly I was concerned that other people would think I was crazy for co-sleeping. ~Kathy
  • I think so. Of course, it was a new concept to me when I was introduced to me, but it felt very right. The first few nights were a little awkward because Rhianna was a tiny baby (4 lb 9 oz), but it was reassuring and comforting to have her near me so I could tend to her needs promptly and could help keep her warm. ~Elisa
  • Once the question arose as a parent, yes. ~Vaiva
  • Yes, but I thought it was a sign of laziness and was afraid to tell anybody about our sleeping arrangements for fear of getting a lecture. ~Sue
  • Yes. ~Michel
  • Yes, since I began keeping my first born in bed with me. ~Anne B
  • No. ~Wendy

   

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• How does your partner feel about the family bed?

   

  • He likes it now and feels very good about having the kids close by.  ~Donya
  • My husband also advocates FB; he said about our baby sleeping there "It's where he belongs". ~Laura
  • He loves it, too.  ~Jennifer
  • My ex-husband (the boys' dad) never really said anything about it. My current husband (Mad's dad) didn't say anything for the longest time, and seems to really enjoy having Mad in bed with us except that he's grossed out when she soaks the bed from time to time. He's starting to make noise about "when she sleeps in her own bed, we'll ___" but I ignore him. ) (she's 2)I have also told him, only partially in jest, that if he makes her sleep in another room, *he* can go get her when she cries at night. This is the only way we can all get any sleep! ~Sue
  • He is happy although he is afraid that she will fall because she is very active in her sleep. ~Maria
  • He doesn't want them to sleep anywhere else. ~Linda
  • He feels that it's the best thing for our family. For all of us, not just Noah, (our baby). ~Constance
  • He likes it almost as much as I do. Ever since we got a king-sized bed, he has been completely happy with it. ~Terri
  • My husband, from whom I am separated, always supported the family bed. He thought Where else would you want a child to be? Not far away!  ~Diana
  • He likes it, though I think his co-workers make comments against it which forces him to rethink it every once in a while. Also, his parents only know that she still sleeps in our bedroom - and look down on that even as they think she sleeps in the crib they gave us! ~Anne
  • I don't have a partner. But he sleeps with our daughter when she spends the night with him. He's always been open to it and preferred it. ~Melissa
  • He was worried about rolling over on the baby at first but realized that was not going to happen. He is as joyful about waking up with her in the morning as I am, though maybe a little less so when being awoken by a whack on the nose.  ~Lisa
  • He enjoys it most of the time. ~Kathy
  • He loves it. ~anon-1
  • Very reluctant and hesitant at first. "okay'ed" it only for the first six weeks. Now he loves it, wouldn't change it for the world and looks forward to being awakened by a little one crawling over to him and saying 'hi' or kissing him on the nose. ~Katherine
  • He is very comfortable with the idea, and we really wouldn't want our daughter sleeping anywhere else, but I think he would like it if we (he and I) got to cuddle a little more -- we usually end up on opposite sides of the BIG bed with our daughter hogging the middle! ~Jennifer
  • Is more passionate about it than I am. He likes the idea that the children are with us....not down the hall or on the other side of the house. It adds to his feelings of security as well as the children's. ~Suzanne
  • he thinks it should be for infancy only. but he is ok with it into toddlerhood/young preschool. ~Rachel
  • He likes the easiness of everything but also would like to sleep next to me more often. ~Shannon
  • We have an unusual set up. DH has his own bed in his own room. He did before the baby was born, he just likes to sleep alone. He joins us occasionally, but most of the time it's just Freya and I. We both agreed before she was born that having her with me at night was the best possible thing for her and us. ~Therese
  • He's very comfortable. ~anon-2
  • It was his idea at first. He loves waking up with Rachel and since he works all day and is away from her for 10-12 hours a day, it's a nice way for them to be close. Sometimes he gets frustrated, especially when she goes through a disruptive sleep phase. She tends to move around a lot more in bed now and usually he's the one getting kicked in the ribs. We've discussed it though, and he knows that I'm committed to co-sleeping as long as Rachel needs it. There have been times he's chosen to sleep somewhere else in the house to get a better night's rest and that's okay. ~Kathy
  • He's enthusiastic and enjoys having a warm snuggly little person near him. ~Elisa
  • My husband is absolutely sold on the idea. When I explained what I learned about cosleeping the decision obvious and made. ~Vaiva
  • He understands it intellectually but now that our youngest is so big and squirmy he doesn't enjoy sleeping with her. (he's okay with me sleeping with her in another room, though). ~Sue
  • I know he enjoys certain aspects about it (like the closeness sleep sharing brings to our family, the fact that I do most of the nighttime parenting and he can sleep mostly uninterrupted ;)), and dislikes other aspects--f.i. he claims we crowd him. ~Michel
  • He loves having the boys in bed, but wonders when the older one (3) will go to his own bed. ~Anne B
  • Mixed feelings because M (child) is quite difficult to sleep with. He tends to kick a lot and quite vigorously during the night. ~Wendy

   

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• How have you worked out any difference of opinion between you and your partner?

   

  • One thing we did was to add a twin bed beside our full bed  to make more room and end the struggles with that issue. It also provided us a separate space to be close. ~Donya
  • We have two queen-sized beds in two different bedrooms.  He sleeps with the older kids, and I sleep with the baby. That way we both get enough room (sort of!!). ~Jennifer
  • No big ones to mention. ~Maria
  • We haven't had many differences of opinion. He did want to buy a bassinette before the birth (where will the baby nap when you are not there?). But, I talked him out of it by saying we'd buy one after the birth if we felt we needed it.  ~Constance
  • I told my husband that my son would sleep with me as long as he needed to and if he didn't like it, we'd move to another bed. Because he chief complaint was lack of room, we bought a king-sized bed.  There is no longer a conflict. ~Terri
  • We've discussed it and I've made a special effort to initiate sex outside of the bedroom (which I think is the big question his co-workers wonder about). ~Anne
  • We don't have any on this subject. ~Melissa
  • Just through experiencing the family bed together. We agreed in principle that we wanted to do this. It's just that the 'rollover' dogma bothered him. One night convinced him. ~Lisa
  • The few times he has complained, I told him it was fine with me to move our daughter to another room, but that he would have to go get her every hour when she woke up to nurse.   That always stopped the complaining. ~Kathy
  • We really haven't had any problems with it. ~anon-1
  • Science. No emotional or touchy feely arguments work with my husband. Science was the way to go. The co-sleeping studies by James McKenna and the anthropological literature that shows that co-sleeping is what babies have evolved to expect over several million years, and that to mess with that evolutionary design could be putting a baby in danger of SIDS. ~Katherine
  • The one who is the most informed and feels the most passionately about any given subject is usually the one who decides. ~Suzanne
  • basically, we decided to focus on the "big picture". they won't be sleeping with us in high school. eventually they will move out. they are still very little (4 mos and 2.5 years). the older one will move out before i'm ready/after dh is! ~Rachel
  • I try to sleep next to him sometimes (not often enough). There aren't major differences. He knows it's not up for discussion, and also knows I would work to meet his needs if he had strong problems. ~Shannon
  • We discuss it regularly. Often he's just feeling a little left out and I try to give him more attention. ~Kathy
  • We really haven't had any differences. ~Elisa
  • The second month the baby had a bit more trouble sleeping in the middle of the night and I was concerned that dh wasn't getting enough sleep. I can take naps, so wasn't so concerned about myself, but dh commutes a long and dangerous commute. :( I asked if we should move the baby to a crib beside the bed, but dh was vehenement that the baby belonged with us, so that was that. If he felt like he was getting enough rest to safely traverse the deadliest freeway in California, I was satisfied. ~Vaiva
  • Luckily, he understands that the point is for everyone to get the most sleep, so he doesn't mind weird sleeping configurations with that end in mind. As long as *he* gets a good night's sleep he's fine with whatever the rest of us work out. ~Sue
  • Well, when our son was about 1.5 years, we upgraded from a Queen-sized bed to a King-sized. This actually improved our family's experience w/r/t sharing sleep. But my husband still says we crowd him :). ~Michel
  • M was such a poor sleeper that we moved him into the family bed for me to get more sleep. Dh could see the sense in this. ~Wendy

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• What do you say to family and friends who question your judgement on having the family bed?

   

  • Tell them how great it is, and about the research I’ve done. ~Rochelle
  • I just tell them that it works well for us and we all like it! ~Donya
  • Well, I do try to avoid that conversation ;) However, my mother did say "he has to sleep in his own bed sometime!" and I said, "I'm sure he will when he is ready". I'm not sure my in-laws even know that we are still (at 10mos.) FB-ing; but I know they disapprove. My dad seems supportive of the idea. ~Laura
  • Never had this happen. ~Jennifer
  • I try to avoid discussing it, since I know it's one of those topics that gets people going. We've heard so many negative comments (sometimes from people who don't know we practice FB, just ranting in general about it) that my usual reaction is to keep my mouth shut. Also, we have a toddler bed in the room in case Child Protective Services visits. :( ~Sue
  • I tell them it works for us and we like it. ~Maria
  • It doesn't come up much. ~Linda
  • That it's working for us. That babies sleeping apart from their parents is a recent phenomenon, and babies in other parts of the world routinely sleep with their parents. ~Constance
  • The strongest comment I've received against the family bed is, "You'll never get him out of the bed." I say, "I don't want him out." ~Terri
  • I haven't had any disagreement with my partner, and my family I think does not approve, but wouldn't question me. Having raised a sixteen year old into a nice young man gives you a lot of clout in the parenting game! ~Diana
  • I go into the whole attachment parenting explanation, often having to explain that ap "gets independent earlier" and not the reverse like they usually assume. ~Anne
  • Fortunately, my friends all family bed too. As for other people, I don't even mention where Daisy sleeps. It's none of their business. ~Melissa
  • We're very fortunate. No one has. Anyone who does will be told that this works for us and beyond that it is not their concern (in as nice a way as possible ;). ~Lisa
  • I just state it as a fact, our daughter sleeps with us, and leave it at that. Some people comment that 'we'll never get her out of our bed', and I just shrug. I wouldn't mind if they were right. ~Kathy
  • I tell them that it works for us and that when the kids are ready, they will move into their own room. I really haven't had much negative feedback... so far anyway. I try to surround myself with like-minded people and when I'm with people who I know aren't very AP, I just don't discuss it at all. ~anon-1
  • I'm so completely confident and comfortable with my decision that it comes across. Even though no one in our family does it (co-sleeps), no one mentions to us that it's not a good thing. ~Katherine
  • I say that it works very well for us and we feel it is beneficial to everyone involved. ~Jennifer
  • It's working for us. ~Suzanne
  • i say that it works for us, and that different things work for different families. they know i've researched it, so they don't question it to my face very often. ~Rachel
  • I think they're silly for not family bedding, and just recount the advantages. Never having to change soiled sheets (from puke), waking before the child vomits b/c I heard the stomach noise, waking with a still sleeping but very feverish child b/c the hot skin woke me. Getting a good night sleep b/c of laying to nurse, etc. They also know that it's really no more their business than is any other aspect of my private life. ~Shannon
  • I don't mention it unless they ask. I have had some eyebrow lifting from family and 'oh really?'s' in a kind of doubting way but no one has directly criticized it to me. My friends think it's great. ~Therese
  • I always tell them that the most important thing is that every gets a good night sleep and I know they won't want to sleep with us forever. ~anon-2
  • I don't tell many people. Those that I've told haven't responded negatively, though most seemed quite surprised. Now that I've done the research and found co-sleeping to be extremely beneficial, I feel confident that I wouldn't be upset by anyone's criticism of bedsharing. ~Kathy
  • epends on who it is. I usually wind up telling them that the research I've found indicates that family bed has benefits to both mother and baby. Or I tell them that it feels right to us or that it works for our family. ~Elisa
  • I just list a few benefits: bonding, neurological development, potential health benefits for the baby, ease of night feedings, baby's sense of security. I also point out that most people around the world do sleep with their babies and we are one of hte few countries that isolates them from the moment of birth. ~Vaiva
  • Unfortunately, I caved in when #1 was an older toddler, and felt awful about it. (not to mention neither of us got much sleep!) It's strengthened my resolve not to let people have a negative influence on my parenting. I doubt that anybody outside of our AP-supportive friends knows about our sleeping arrangements; I don't think they have any business knowing. ~Sue
  • Luckily, our families have either been supportive or not voiced their disapproval. Very few friends have said anything negative. Any time that's happened, I start talking about how co-sleeping has helped me get more sleep, helped me not worry about a baby who was in a crib in another room, etc. ~Michel
  • I tell them I am not worried about it, when they say I'll never get him out. ~Anne B
  • It is the best way for us all to get enough sleep. A friend noticed a positive change in the relationship between M and I at about the time that I stopped trying to get him to sleep alone and had him sleeping in with us, which was incidentally before I had heard about the family bed.. For me it was as if I stopped trying to turn him into a textbook child and accepted him and his needs as they were. We became a more cooperative unit after that. ~Wendy

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• Do you feel the family bed has contributed to sibling bonding?

   

  • Yes, very much so. When my 1 year old wakes up, she immediately looks for my 4 year old. :-) ~anon-1
  • No sibs yet. ~Katherine
  • Absolutely. I took a picture of my sons sleeping together one time during a nap. Seeing this picture of the two of them napping together was a major turning point for my oldest son who was struggling with feelings of jealousy and rivalry prior to that. He asked to see the picture again and again. ~Suzanne
  • probably - it's a little early to tell. but it is nice to lie down with both kids in bed at once and have them both fall asleep at the same time! ~Rachel
  • Definitely. ~Shannon
  • Yes absolutely. My seven month old sees his 2 year old sister first thing every morning and he grins from ear to ear when she tells him "good morning." ~anon-2
  • Sure. #1 and #3 will both sleep without me if #2 is with them (the great peacemaker!). ;) ~Sue
  • Well not yet but too soon to tell. ~Anne B

   

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• Has the family bed has benefitted your family? How?

   

  • Probably. Daisy and I have a very strong bond. I'm sure the family bed has contributed to that. ~Melissa
  • YES! We are able to get a full nights sleep almost every night!! I am assured that the kids are fine and breathing because they are right there and I can see and hear them. Also, when they are sick, I'm right there if they wake up and need to throw up or whatever. They don't have to come looking for me for comfort since I'm right there. I especially like the convenience of night nursing. I always wake up about 30 seconds before my baby wakes to nurse, so I'm able to get my nipple in her mouth before she even starts to cry, which lets hubby sleep undisturbed all night long. I also love the closeness and bonding that comes from sharing sleep together. ~anon-1
  • In many ways. My husband works alot. there are many times that the only time he gets to spend any significant amount of time with our baby is while we're going to bed and getting up. He loves waking up to her smiles and playing. He feels that it's been a tremendous asset to their relationship and that if she weren't with us, 'we'd be missing out on the best part of her day'. ~Katherine
  • Yes -- we have benefitted from the bonding (there is nothing nicer than snuggling up with your little one) and the extra sleep (no getting up in the middle of the night for feedings/nightmares, etc.) ~Jennifer
  • It has simplified our life and the task of nighttime parenting. My first was a colicky baby and family bedding allowed him to be close to us. Responding to his stirrings before they became cries made rocky nights a little smoother. Although my second baby "slept through" from birth, co-sleeping has made nursing so easy and all of us get enough sleep. My first son is experiencing broken sleep due to disturbing dreams (apparently an inherited tendency) and family bedding keeps him near enough for me to comfort him and quieten him before disturbances become absolute disruptions. I expect that at each major milestone in his life, there will be a corrollary benefit to family bedding. ~Suzanne
  • oh, in so many ways! easier when sick, easier to put all to bed, easier acceptance of a new sibling... ~Rachel
  • Yes. We sleep better, get extra snuggle time in the morning, have fewer beds to make and change, and have the health benefits listed above. ~Shannon
  • Yes. I think it brings us closer. The kids know that we will be there whether it's day or night. ~anon-2
  • Yes! I never struggled with the sleep deprivation I hear about from other moms. I think that makes me a happier mom in the morning. I think co-sleeping has contributed to a deeper attachement between Rachel and I (and dh too). ~Kathy
  • It provides extra snuggle time for all of us. It's especially nice now that Rhianna is a busy toddler who doesn't always have time to snuggle with Mommy anymore. ~Elisa
  • I get more sleep, so I'm a happier person, thus making dh a happier person. :) I have more time to myself in the mornings - I can leave hte baby with dh while I stroll thru my morning routine. We both really enjoy how animated the baby is when he first wakes up - if we weren't with him all that refreshing glee would be given to a stuffed animal! ~Vaiva
  • We've all gotten a lot more sleep this way. I had virtually no worries about SIDS, choking or other illnesses or mishaps since the baby was right nearby. I didn't have to get up to nurse. When I was working, it was nice to have that extra time with the kids. ~Sue
  • Yes! Well, for one thing, I think we'd all have slept less if our son wasn't in the bed with us. I would've made Jeremy get up and bring the baby to me, I would've been worried that Satch wasn't breathing, would be sick, etc. and I wouldn't know b/c he was in another room. I think it helps recharge our parenting batteries to see such a peaceful sleeping Satch before we go to sleep. I think that b/c Satchel feels the need to touch both of us while he's sleeping, it helps us stay connected more with his needs. I can't imagine missing hearing him laugh in his sleep. ~Michel
  • Yes it enabled me to get much more sleep than I would have otherwise, and we like the closeness. ~Anne B
  • Yes. See above. ~Wendy

   

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• How is your bed set up? (i.e. on the floor, with a bed rail, etc.)

   

  • We have a mattress and box springs, no frame. No bed rails, it's not against the wall anymore either. ~Melissa
  • We've got a king size mattress shoved up flush against a double mattress, so it's like wall to wall matresses on the floor with absolutely no place for anyone to fall. We love it! ~anon-1
  • normal king sized bed (airmattress actually - comfort select). When Alana was 6-17 months, we removed the 'frame' and simply put the box spring and matress on the floor so that if she fell, she didn't fall far. Also, it was easier for her to get in and out of bed. We just put the frame back up last night. No bed rails, only the head of the bed is against a wall. Alana usually sleeps between us. ~Katherine
  • A double and a twin, side by side with the box springs switched underneath (so the twin boxspring is under the outer half of the double mattress) so that they don't creep apart as much. The whole thing is on the floor (don't suppose they even make bed frames that big!) with a bed rail on one side. ~Jennifer
  • King size bed with a crib sidecar. All of us fit comfortably in the bed without the side car, but the crib allows us to have pillows, blankets and books handy and will be ready should anyone feel crowded and need a little more elbow room. ~Suzanne
  • queen bed with crib attached. bed layout is dh, infant, me, toddler. toddler often rolls into the crib after nursing to sleep. when dh isn't in bed, there's a rail on his side of the bed. ~Rachel
  • King and twin on frames, one pushed into the corner, a bed rail on the open side. ~Shannon
  • Queen size bed. It was on a frame with a rail until Freya started rolling at which time I put the mattress on the floor in a corner of the room with 1 rail at the foot and 1 rail at the top side. This left an opening at the outer bottom corner. This worked for a few months until she started standing and leaning over the railing and almost flipped over it. Then we went rail-less. She immediately began rolling out out of bed at might so I put pillows on the floor. That worked great but I minded being so close to the floor so I've put the box spring back under (when she was 12mos) and I'll be putting the frame back under in a couple more months when she stops rolling out of bed at night. ~Therese
  • Our bed has always been on the floor. ~anon-2
  • King size bed, used to be on the floor but we recently put in back on the frame since Rachel is adept at crawling on and off it now. I use a bed rail on my side, but usually Rachel sleeps in the middle of dh and I. ~Kathy
  • Queen sized bed; no rails or anything special. It's on box springs and a frame. Rhianna usually sleeps between us. ~Elisa
  • We have our mattress and boxspring on the floor, with bed rails on my side. As the baby learns to crawl (umm, now) we are going to add rails around the other sides, too. ~Vaiva
  • We've always just had a "regular" bed configuration (queen bed on a frame, no rail, not next to a wall) with the baby in the middle, and haven't had problems with that. I'd love to have a king and a queen together on the floor, but I don't see it happening. ;) Nowadays, #3 and I sleep in a full-sized bottom bunk most of the time and #1 and #2 sleep together in a twin in another room, while DH keeps the queen bed. ~Sue
  • On the floor, no rail. When Satch was an infant and we only had a Queen sized bed on a frame, we had a rail. ~Michel
  • ts an extra long queen size bed in a waterbed frame, with a safety gate wedged into the gap on one side. ~Anne B
  • One queen-sized waterbed with one crib jammed alongside with pillows over the wooden join area. I think the waterbed was running a litle hot for M which contributed tohis restlessness. It also amplifies his restlessness and disturbs us more than a normal mattresss does. ~Wendy

   

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• How long will you continue to use the family bed?

   

  • At this point, I don't know. It's just Daisy and I. We only have one bed. So I can see us sleeping in the same bed for a long time. ~Melissa
  • Until the kids don't want to be in it anymore (hopefully before puberty!! LOL!! ~anon-1
  • We'll probably get her a bed soon, but place it right next to ours. It'll probably be more of a plaything, than a sleeping place for another couple of years. We're getting it b/c she's gotten obsessed with little beds. Whenever we're at a house with a small childsized bed, she wants to sit in it, pretend sleep in it, play in it for hours. ~Katherine
  • Until my daughter wants her own bed. ~Jennifer
  • Until the kids decide they want to move out on their own. ~Suzanne
  • until the children no longer need it. ~Rachel
  • Until the girls want to move out. ~Shannon
  • I have no set time to stop. I could easily see myself bed-sharing with a 6 year old Freya and 3 year old sib and maybe another baby... Of course Freya will probably request her own bed before then. ~Therese
  • Until the kids out grow it. ~anon-2
  • As long as Rachel needs it. ~Kathy
  • We plan to use the family bed until Rhianna outgrows the need. ~Elisa
  • The baby has his own room ready and waiting for him. When he decides he wants to use it at night, for all or part of the night, he can. It will be his decision. ~Vaiva
  • Until the kids tell us they prefer to sleep without us. (I'm sure siblings will continue to sleep together long past that point, though). ~Sue
  • Until he is ready to leave. ~Michel
  • Until the children choose to leave on their own. ~Anne B.
  • Murray asked to sleep in his own bed when he found out that his friend had her own bed, at about 2 1/2. ~Wendy

   

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• At what age did your child leave the family bed?

   

  • They haven't left the bed yet. ~anon-1
  • I'll letcha know. ;) ~Suzanne
  • My kids have varied anywhere from three to five. ~anon-2
  • #2 moved into a room with #1 when he was about 2. #3 moved into another room with me around her 4th birthday, on DH's urging (she was getting too kicky at night). ~Sue
  • 2 2/3 It took me a while to adjust to having him elsewhere. ~Wendy

   

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• Did the child go asleep alone or with a sibling?

   

  • We are anticipating that they will share a room. ~Suzanne
  • See Above. ~Sue
  • Alone, although he calls out to me at midnight or so each night and we generally cosleep from then until morning. ~Wendy

   

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• Was the move out of the family bed the child's or parent's decision?

   

  • We are anticipating that they will decide....though my husband doesn't want them to move out before they are teenagers. ;) ~Suzanne
  • It has always been the child's choice. Usually they've wanted to sleep with an older sibling. On occasion my two year old will beg to sleep with her 12 or 15 year old sister. ~anon-2
  • See Above. ~Sue
  • The child's. ~Wendy

   

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• If it was the child's decision, how did this come about?

   

  • They wanted to be with a sibling. ~anon-2
  • #1 and #2 were lured into another room with cool bunk beds which they helped Dad make and paint. It was really Dad's decision but sneakily disguised to make kids think it was their idea. ;) ~Sue
  • See Above. ~Wendy

   

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• If it was the parent's decision, how did you achieve this and did you experience difficulties?

   

  • See above. New beds and/or spiffy sheets helped. ~Sue

   

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• Does the family bed interfere with the intimate relationship between you and your partner? If not, how do you maintain intimacy? If so, how do you and your partner deal with this?

   

  • Not really. :-) If not, how do you maintain intimacy? Well, there's the kitchen sink,,,,LOL!! But, seriously, why does everyone think you have to have sex in the bedroom? We just sneak away from the sleeping kids and have sex in a room they are not in. ~anon-1
  • I don't think it interferes at all. the normal changes that come along with parenting can though. To maintian intimacy, I try to stay up while nursing baby to sleep so that I can go back downstairs and hang out with my husband for awhile at night. ~Katherine
  • No, the family bed is not what has interfered with our intimate relationship. It's the exhaustion and fulfillment inherent in the AP mothering role that has left me uninterested in sex. If I had the drive, we'd make the opportunity. ;) ~Jennifer
  • Nope. Other beds and other places. Notes that say, "Meet me XYZ at midnight..." ~Suzanne
  • right now it is more the having 2 kids that interferes than anything else. we usually handle intimacy in another room, during naps or after both kids are asleep. it doesn't interfere too much, but i do occasionally miss the snuggling at night that we could do with only 1 kiddo in bed. ~Rachel
  • No, we have more places in our repertoire now than before we had kids. We also plan to create a necking nook, a futon/TV setup so we can snuggle, watch movies, whatever. ~Shannon
  • There's plenty of opportunities. Especially in our case since DH has his own bed. ~Therese
  • I don't think so. Whenever we both have the energy we find a way. ~anon-2
  • Yes and no. We have had to be more creative about the location of our physical intimacy. In some ways that makes it more fun. I think if Rachel slept separately we might have more opportunities for sex, but it's never been a major issue for us. I think it's just hard to have the energy and make the time for intimacy when you have a baby/toddler in the house, regardless of sleeping arrangements. ~Kathy
  • I suppose it does interfere to some degree in that we can't just be intimate in bed any time we feel like it. But then again, with a toddler around, one can't be intimate any time one feels like it anyhow. We solved the problem by finding other times and places. It may be late night after she's already fallen asleep. We may get up a bit early. Or, if we awaken in the middle of the night feeling amorous, we take advantage of it then. We either find another place in the house or move a sleeping baby elsewhere if we REALLY want the bed. Quite honestly, I've thought of telling the rather nosey types that say "How do you have sex with a baby in your bed??" either "I'm so sorry to hear that you have such a boring sex life" or "You know, you really just told me more about your sex life than I cared to know." ~Elisa
  • We tend to go to the next room. Its a bit inconvenient, its true. But right now we're both too tired to care. We tend to snuggle more in bed overall now when the baby is asleep, but for love making we find other spots in the house. ~Vaiva
  • Not really. That's what the rest of the house is for! ~Sue
  • No. If not, how do you maintain intimacy? Well, when Satch was younger we were not discreet. Now, we just wait until he's asleep, or we get up before he wakes up. ~Michel
  • No, it doesn't interfere, but we are happy when we get the rare chance to acutally use our bed for sex. ~Anne B
  • No. Intimacy can be maintained somewhat with cuddles in the family bed. More vigorous intimacy ;-) can happen elsewhere. ~Wendy

   

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• Does the whole family go to bed at the same time? If not, what arrangement works for you?

   

  • No. Daisy usually goes to a few hours before me. ~Melissa
  • Our 4-year-old goes to bed when we do generally (she's always fought sleep!!), but our 1-year-old goes to bed earlier. I will nurse her and then put her in the playpen that's next to the mattresses and she will stick her thumb in her mouth and go right to sleep. Then when the rest of us are ready to go to bed, I will take her out and put her in the bed next to me. The main reason she's in the playpen is for safety,,,,when we are in the same room, she's in the bed with us usually. Our older daughter was different. She would never ever sleep without me right there next to her, so when she was younger I would lay down with her and nurse her to sleep and then when she was finally asleep, I would sneak away. She's not nursing anymore, but she still needs me to lay next to her to fall asleep and if I don't want to go to bed yet, she waits for me on the couch and usually will fall asleep there while waiting and then when I want to go to bed, I'll pick her up and bring her to the bed with us. ~anon-1
  • Sometimes we do. Sometimes Alana is very clear that she wants us all to go to bed and we relish the 'permission' to all fall into bed early. otherwise, I nurse her to sleep, dh and I stay up cuddling, talking, watching tv, playing on the computer, whatever... ~Katherine
  • We all go to bed at the same time, or at least mommy and baby do. Daddy sometimes stays up later. ~Jennifer
  • We all go to bed when we are tired. Sometimes that is all together and sometimes it is separate. I tend to be the one who parents them to bed, though that is starting to shift somewhat. The kids and I pile up in bed with books, read a while, then nurse to sleep. Dh may have gone to sleep before us, in which case, everyone is very quiet or we may do the bedtime reading in the living room. ~Suzanne
  • 1 of 2 things happens. i nurse the toddler down, and the baby falls asleep, then i go to sleep (or get up for dessert for a few minutes). dh joins us later. or i go to bed with the baby, and dh and the toddler stay up until she is ready to sleep. then she goes to sleep with me & the baby, and dh joins us later. ~Rachel
  • No. I nurse Isabella to sleep while snuggling (awkwardly) with Heather. When Isabella's asleep, I snuggle Heather to sleep. ~Shannon
  • I usually nurse Freya to sleep in the living room and put her into bed and go to bed about an hour or so later. ~Therese
  • No unfortunately. My daughters(15,12 and 2) need more sleep and are much more regular about sleep. My sons, who are five and eight, simply don't need much sleep. My husband says they just have 36 hour days:( This interferes much more with intimacy than the family bed. ~anon-2
  • Usually Rachel insists that both dh and I come to bed and cuddle for about 20 minutes. Then dh leaves and I nurse Rachel to sleep. Usually I get up for another hour or two, but sometimes I fall asleep with her. ~Kathy
  • Travis often goes to bed when Rhianna does and either go down with them or a bit later. ~Elisa
  • I either sing or vacuum the baby to sleep in the sling between 8 or 9pm, then put him in bed. I'll stay up for a couple more hours (usually having to nurse sometime in between). Dh follows a couple hours after that. If I'm not in bed, the baby will wake up every hour to check in, so I go nurse him down. Once I'm in bed he may nurse once or twice during the night. ~Vaiva
  • Some nights, #3 tells me when she's tired, we lie down, tell stories, etc. and she nurses for a little while, then falls asleep. After she's good and conked out, I get up and stay up for another hour or two. If #2 and #3 sleep together they go to sleep on their own without grownup participation, in which case #1 will want me to give backrubs, have conversations, etc. until he's really sleepy. DH usually goes to bed a little earlier than all of us because he has to get up early, but the rest of us go to bed when we're tired since we don't have to be up at a certain time of the morning. ~Sue
  Usually Not. Ours is constantly changing. Satchel's bedtime is between 10:30 and 1 am. If Satch goes to sleep early, we stay up and whoop it up that we actually have virtually uninterrupted time to ourselves. Otherwise, Jeremy goes to bed and Satch and I stay up until he's ready to go to sleep, then I usually take him to the bed, and stay awake for a while after that. ~Michel
  • I go to bed at the same time as the children, but dh goes when he wants, and often sleeps elsewhere to watch TV. ~Anne B
  • No. I put M to bed earlier in the crib part of the sidecar arrangement, or in his own bed now. ~Wendy

   

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• What is your favorite thing about the family bed?

   

  • Cuddling and holding Daisy while she's sleeping. She doesn't like to cuddle or be held too much when she's awake, so I like to take advantage of being able to do those things when she's sleeping. ~Melissa
  • The closeness, the love, and the cuddling in the morning!! I love waking up to happy giggling. ~anon-1
  • seeing my baby at the absolute best time of her day - the first thing in the morning when she wakes. ~Katherine
  • Snuggling and nursing under warm blankets with a soft, sweet little baby body. :} ~Jennifer
  • Togetherness. :) ~Suzanne
  • waking up to baby/toddler snuggles! and snuggling with them at night. ~Rachel
  • Sleeping next to my beautiful children, laying awake at night watching them sleep. Having one of them wake long enough to say Mommy? I love you. And go back to sleep. ~Shannon
  • Being _right there_ when she wakes up in the night. Not having to get out of bed to check if she's breathing - when she was a newborn. Being available to nurse on demand at night without having to actually get up. Cuddling in the morning for a long time before we get out of bed. ~Therese
    
  • Snuggling with the kids. ~anon-2
  • Mornings are wonderful. Rachel always wakes up in a great mood and hugs and kisses dh and I. It's great to have that closeness. I appreciate never having to stress out about whether she's slept through or not--it's a non-issue. I wouldn't feel right about putting her in another room to sleep. I'd worry about whether she was ok or not. When she's beside me I know immediately if she's coming down with a fever or other illness. It's so much easier than trying to "train" a baby to sleep in a crib. I think it's much healthier for the entire family to share a bed. ~Kathy
  • The closeness. ~Elisa
  • Knowing that my baby is safe constantly. I never wonder if he's cold, hungry, restless, scared. I can move my arm, turn my head, or just listen and know if he needs anything. In an earthquake or forest fire it would take me 1/2 a second to grab him. ~Vaiva
  • Knowing where the kids are and that they're safe and healthy. Waking up to a smiling baby face. ~Sue
  • Having my son snuggle close to me. Aaaaahhh, it makes me fall in love with him every night! ~Michel
  • Knowing that my children are safe, breathing, etc, not having to worry about them. ~Anne B.
  • Fulfilment of a need of both me and M to be close for long periods. ~Wendy

   

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